Evangelista Grace

How I got from where I was to where I am now

Some of you might have noticed my long hiatus recently. For a brief period of time, I found myself embarking on a journey of self-discovery. Since then and for a time-being, I had shied away from social media and this blog of mine.

I have always been aware of the girl that I was. She has always been that same girl I knew. Shy and afraid to speak her thoughts. Elaborate in her words but never got straight to the point. Hanging her head low in utter low self-confidence. Breaking down at the thought of her past. Holding back tears and numbing the pain in her heart.

Then as sudden as the movement of Earth’s tectonic plates😱, something inside me was changing, albeit after some self-reflection, I know for a fact that this was a gradual change attributed to many factors around me. I see myself now as a more confident woman, who’s ready to put her past behind and walk ahead of it, envisioning her future and making wiser decisions. I am able to lead, speak my thoughts confidently and more coherently, and am now more capable to adapt and foster new connections.

I am not only more bold in the outside but also in the inside. I am now able to filter my thoughts more systematically, able to make decisions faster, able to engage in conversations that challenge my own set of beliefs and able to ultimately tear down my wall of ego. I am also able to approach a sensitive topic with a softer touch and with more empathy while not compromising on logic. More importantly, I am able now more than ever, to accept my failures and move on without harboring self-hatred. I am no longer fully occupied about what people are thinking of me and am more resistant to negative hearsay. Additionally, I am more flexible to take on new challenges and venture into a myriad of things I have never tried before.

So what caused this major paradigm shift?🤔 And what happened during the brief period of time that I had taken off from social media? Well for the record I was a little preoccupied about studies and club activities too during this time, hence the hiatus. And also for the record, I don’t think I want to get back to being active in social media. You’ll know why if you’ve once taken a break from those apps. You are more productive and you will also begin to realize how insignificant yours and other people’s stories are to one another. I could go on but this is a rambling for another day.

I can’t pin an exact time and date when all of this began. But I do know that after my father’s passing, I had become particularly ardent about my agenda of self-improvement. I begin listening to many podcasts on general knowledge, reading books and spending a lot of time on Medium, where I obtained my daily dose of motivation to up my game in programming. I was not completely a nerd too. I binged on a lot of music and countless hours on Netflix watching my favorite TV shows. And I exercised and jogged 2-3 times a week. I took care of my acne-prone face, wore a thin layer of foundation when I went outside and was particular of what I included in my diet. I learnt that these small things really do add up to a cumulative effect on my confidence and general well-being. Like the classic saying, “Look good, feel good”👩‍. I also have to attribute most of this positive outcome to a few close friends who have never failed to believe in me, uplift me and inspire me to be my best.

There are however several other things that I have time and time again failed to improve on 😅. I have yet to set right my sleeping pattern. I consider myself a night owl and a late riser. The problem arises when everyone else is up and bustling and I’m still snoozing the alarm, leading to productivity issues. Also, my classes are in the morning. And sometimes I can only picture myself squeezing some lemon juice into my eyes because I yearn so much to stay awake and focus in class. Moreover I have to work on my consistency and discipline in making practice a habit and routine. Practice for my guitar, practice saving money, practice in programming, practice writing, etc.

I wish to continue to work on my shortcomings and besides what is life without a personal agenda of self-improvement every day. On a side note, it definitely feels great to be back to my online abode❤️.

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